i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
