I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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