i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
