I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
