fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
