im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
