this beer tastes like vomit already
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
