come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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