there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
