I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
