i think my mom watched the whole time
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
