dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
