Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
