Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
