I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
