listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
