cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
