i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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