she was so not down for the gang bang
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
