Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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