My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Randomize
