I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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