He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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