champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
