You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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