I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
