I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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