Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Your penis caused this!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
