tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
