I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
