There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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