They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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