i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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