If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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