You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
