I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
