thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
