We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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