I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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