guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
