just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think my vagina is haunted
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
