My cat gives me a boner
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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