I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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