im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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