he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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