before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
