ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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