at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
