I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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