If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Four minutes until I can fart!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
