do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
