I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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