so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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